Blah blah blah...

So I keep getting so nervous because it has been so long since we've seen the baby. Nothing is wrong, just "is the baby still in there?" or "I wonder if the heart is still beating" ... It is so horrible that I keep thinking about these things and it can make you go crazy. I know it is the devil putting horrible thoughts in my head, making me doubt God, so I just keep praying that everything is fine and putting it all in God's hands. After all, no matter how much I worry about it, whatever is His will is going to happen. This is how ridiculous I am right now... I have been cramping from the very beginning and all of a sudden about a week ago, I stopped cramping. It made me wonder if something was wrong because I wasn't in pain (only because this was out of the ordinary). My boobs still hurt like crazy, but they don't seem to be growing anymore, which also made me wonder if all was well... I look down at my pooch all the time and I am like, "did it shrink, is everything OK? it seems smaller, what if that means something" or "hmm well I look fat today, that must mean everything is going just fine" ... I totally frustrate myself. William and I did not plan to be pregnant this early in our lives, but obviously God has a plan for not only us, but our child as well. That puts the biggest smile in my heart. I fall more and more in love with the little alien every day. I am counting down the days until I get to see him/ her again. (Only ten more days, by the way) So, I keep having to give myself pep talks and praying constantly that all is well and that the baby is healthy. I am so excited about the baby and even though we cannot decide on a name, we have agreed on the bedding (well at least for now, my mind changes every day!). I have never been this emotional before and it is annoying. I get so irritated with myself when I start crying for no reason or something random. For example, at church Sunday night, I was teary eyed all night and then when Aaron and Danielle went to the alter I just started sobbing. I really don't know why. It could have been the fact that I love Danielle and thus I was upset for her and what she is going to have to be strong for over the next little bit. Or, maybe because William was at work and I missed him (Sunday nights are the worst for me) and I thought of William being gone for a bit, maybe that is why it got to me. I don't know ... but it is so weird because when I start crying it is like there is no "off" button and no matter what I do, I cannot stop. These hormones are so crazy. But, all in all I love the hormones (maybe bc that means the baby is still producing them which means everything is OK?). See, there I go again, I just need to lift all my worries up to God. I really think I need another Beth Moore Book. I am through with mine and I haven't gotten one bc of money, but I am sure she would help me through this bc she points me even more towards God. Hmm, I don't know. That is it for now.