Summary of The Love Dare
Day 2: Love is Kind
There are 4 basic core ingredients to kindness: gentleness, helpfulness, willingness, and initiative.
Gentleness: When we are operating from kindness, we are careful how we treat our spouse, never being unnecessarily harsh. We try to be sensitive and tender and if you need to say hard things, we will bend over backward to make sure it is as easy to hear as possible.
Helpfulness: Being kind means you meet the needs of the moment. If it is housework- we get busy, if it is a listening ear- we give it. Kindness graces a wife with the ability to serve her husband without worrying about her rights (i.e. well I have the right to relax, etc.) Kindness makes a husband curious to discover what his wife needs, then motivates him to be the one who steps up and ensures those needs are met- even if his are put on hold.
Willingness: Kindness inspires us to be agreeable (as opposed to stubborn and irritable). Rather than complaining and making excuses, you look for reasons to compromise and accommodate.
Initiative: Kindness thinks ahead, then takes the first step. It doesn't sit around waiting to be prompted or coerced before getting off the couch. The kind husband or wife will be the one who greets first, smiles first, serves first and forgives first.
*It is difficult to demonstrate love when you feel little to no motivation. But love in its truest sense is not based on feelings. Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. You will never learn to love until you demonstrate kindness.
Day 3- Love is not selfish
If there were ever a work that basically means the opposite of love, it is selfishness. It is a trait we hate in other people, but we justify in ourselves. Why do we have such low standards for ourselves but high expectations for our mate? The answer is a painful pill to swallow. We are all selfish! When a husband puts his interests, desires, and priorities in front of his wife, that is a sign of selfishness. When a wife constantly complains about the time and energy she spends meeting the needs of her husband, that is a sign of selfishness. The bottom line is that we either makes decisions out of love for others or love for self. Choosing to love your mate will cause you to say "no" to what you want so you can say "yes" to what they need. Love also leads to inner joy. When we relinquish our rights for the sake of our mate, we get a chance to loose ourselves to the greater purpose of marriage. Nobody knows you as well as your spouse. And that means that no one will be quicker to recognize a change when you deliberately start sacrificing your wants and wishes to make sure his or her needs are met.
"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves" Philippians 2:3
Day 6: Love is not irritable
To be irritable means "to be near the point of a knife." Not far from being poked. People who are irritable are locked, loaded, and ready to overreact. A loving wife is not overly sensitive or cranky, but exercises emotional self control. If you are walking under the influence of love, you will be a joy, not a jerk. Ask yourself, "Am I a calming breeze or a storm waiting to happen?" Stress, selfishness, lust (either not being content with what we have or having a passion for something/someone forbidden), bitterness, greed and pride will bring us all down. Love will lead us to forgive instead of holding a grudge. To be grateful instead of greedy. To be content instead of rushing into more debt. Love then sets up your heart to respond to your spouse with patience and encouragement rather than anger and exasperation.
Day 7: Love believes the best
We have 2 rooms in our hearts: one that is covered with positive attributes for our mates (the appreciation room) and a darker room that is covered with the things that bother and irritate you about your spouse (the depreciation room). The appreciation room is filled with thoughts such as, "I love my husband's work ethic," "he's honest, intelligent, etc." But, the depreciation room is filled with thoughts such as "my husband can be such a jerk," "he is so selfish," or even maybe "I married the wrong person." Spending time in the depreciation room kills marriages. This is the place your heart devalues your spouse. You may say, well these things are true! But, so are the things in the appreciation room. EVERYONE fails and has areas that needs growth. Love chooses not to live here. As much as possible, love focuses on the positive. The ONLY reason you should glance in the door of the depreciation room is to know how to pray for your spouse! And, the only reason you should go in this room is to write "covered in love" in huge letters across the walls.
Day 9: Love makes good impressions.
The way we greet our spouse each day may seem inconsequential, but this small issue carries surprising significance. You can tell a lot about the state of a couple's relationship by the way they greet one another. You can see it in their expression, countenance as well as how they speak to each other. The apostle Paul took time to encourage his readers to greet one another warmly when they met. Being godly includes being humble and gracious enough to address even your enemies with kindness. This raises the question how do you greet your friends, coworkers and neighbors? What about acquaintances and those you meet in public? So, if you are that nice and polite to other people, doesn't your spouse deserve the same? TIMES TEN!!! When someone communicates that they are glad to see you, your personal sense of self-worth increases. What kind of greeting would make your mate feel important or special? How could you excite his or her various senses with a simple word, toch, or tone of voice? A loving greeting can bless your spouse thorugh what they see, hear and feel. It doesn't have to be bold adn dramatic every time, but adding warmth adn enthusiasm gives you the chance to touch your mate;s heart in subtle, unspoken ways. Remember, love is a CHOICE, so choose to change your greeting. Choose love!
Day 10: Love is unconditional
God demonstrates His won love toward us, in that while we were yest sinners, Christ died for us! Romans 5:8
What if someone asked you, "why do you love your husband?" What would you say? Maybe that he is kind, strong, of great character? But what if over the course of the years, your husband stopped being every one of these things? Would you still love them? The logical response would be no. If your reasons for loving your spouse all have something to do with their qualities, then those same qualities suddenly or gradually disappear- your basis for love is over. The only way love can last a lifetime is if it is unconditional. The truth is this: love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love. The Bible refers to this kind of love by using the Greek word agape. It differs from other types of love which are phileo (friendship) and eros (sexual love). Both friendship and sex have an important place in marriage, but if your marriage totally depends on having common interests or enjoying a healthy sex life, then the foundation of your relationship is unstable. Phileo and eros are more responsive in nature and can fluctuate based upon feelings. Agape love, on the other hand, is selfless and unconditional- it is the only kind of true love. That's because this is God's kind of love. He doesn't love us because we are so lovable, but because He is so loving! God's love is a choice He makes completely on His own. Its something we receive from Him and then share with others. Building a marriage on phileo or eros love is based on feelings or circumstances rather than commitment. Unconditional love, agape love, will not be swayed by time or circumstance. When your enjoyment of each other as best friends and lovers is based on unwavering commitment, you will experience an intimacy that cannot be achieved any other way. But, you will struggle and fail to attain this kind of marriage unless you allow God to begin growing His love within you. A love that "bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (1 Corinthians 13:7) does not come from within. It can only come from God! With agape love, you will no longer say I love you because... You will now say, I love you, period!
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