Leaving it up to God

Sometimes it is so hard... you know... you have decisions to make every day... which way do I go? Where do I need to turn? Literally and figuratively. I have got to put ALL my eggs in one proverbial basket even if my whole life I was told not to! I have got to put them in His basket! I am at a point in my life where I have no idea what I am doing... no idea what I am supposed to be doing... no idea what in the world He is using me for- and I HATE it... it hurts and it is upsetting at times but I have got to just let it go- let him hold my fears and feel his love surrounding me. Which leads me to this. I don't know why I am even sharing this... just venting and such. I went to the doctor today. I got some news. Not totally bad. Not great. Could have been alot worse. I knew deep down it was coming. My endometriosis is back. They cannot confirm until they go in but they are "almost 100% sure" ... great. So what does this mean? I have to have surgery again. But there are several factors that go into my decision on when this has to happen. You really want to wait until you are ready to try to get pregnant again. Endometriosis causes infertility. Thus, you would want to have the surgery ideally a few months before you were to try to get pregnant. We are not in that position. We are choosing to be responsible and get out of debt, save, have months worth of household income saved up worth of bills and such of an emergency fund before I get to a point where I can stay home then hopefully God will bless us with another miracle. But, until then, it would be irresponsible to be in that position. Thus, I have to make a decision, with a lot of prayer, on what to do... have surgery now and again before we have another child? Or, have surgery now, hopefully it will grow back at a slower rate and won't cause an infertility problem... wait to have surgery, deal with the pain, see what happens and have surgery later... etc. So, there are just a lot of decisions I have to make and have NO idea what to do. I need God now just as I have every step along the way... just a little more if that is possible. Anyway... just wanted to vent, etc. Don't want empathy or anything just wanted to share. I hope everyone has a Fabulous weekend! I hope to share an awesome project if I get it accomplished this weekend!